Minus a Father
I came across this quote by LL Cool J about fathers (the lack thereof) in the black community.
"In black culture in general, in African-American culture, the least discussed thing amongst men is the fact that they really wish they had fathers. There's a lot of single black women who did the best that they could and that's a beautiful thing, but they don't know how necessary a father is in a kid's life and how much guys miss that deep down inside. That's why they gravitate towards gangs. That's why they gravitate toward older guys who may lead them in a negative direction, because they just want to be embraced by a man." - LL Cool J
LL Fool Gay makes a great point. I've never even seen my father and I think that I block that out. I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I had known my father. If I had even met him once. I have no clarity on that part of my life and I don't think I ever will. I came to grips with that at a very young age. Growing up in a house where we all have different dads and I was the only one who didn't have one was pretty hard to deal with. Do I think about my father? I usually just think about the three sisters I have that I've never seen also from his seed. That's crazy I have three brothers that I was raised with (in the case of Tyler I've known him his whole life) and three sisters I've never seen. I also have an older brother on my dad's side. I often wonder about him too. I haven't seen him in a while and last time I saw him something was a bit off about him.
I have an older sister and I wonder all of the things you would typically wonder about a sibling you've never seen. Sometimes I picture myself going on one of those corny ass day time talk shows and meeting her. One of my biggest goals in life is to meet her and my two younger sisters.
It's hard for anyone to be two parents. My mom had to raise three boys by herself and teach them all how to be men in a society where they were disadvantaged before they were even born. I think I understand why she was particularly hard on me. She was pretty tough on us but she use to basically abuse me (I ain't on that call CPS shit. Beat your kids! It saves lives!). I think that's because she had to. She couldn't coddle us and turn us into little bitches. We had to be men so she beat us and made us tough. That's why the Sheppard's got scraps and are savs. I call women bitches sometimes (sorry ladies). I'm really trying to stop but it slips out sometimes I think that moms was so busy working and being a man that she didn't have time to be a woman and teach us how to treat a woman. More than anything I think that's the man's job.
Maybe I would have turned out better or maybe I would have turned out worse but it's just a maybe so why even worry about it right? Some people don't even have parents. That never makes anyone feel better. Compare your condition with the rest of the world shit never works. I can't help but wonder.
I love you mom! Fuck Robert Graham!
"In black culture in general, in African-American culture, the least discussed thing amongst men is the fact that they really wish they had fathers. There's a lot of single black women who did the best that they could and that's a beautiful thing, but they don't know how necessary a father is in a kid's life and how much guys miss that deep down inside. That's why they gravitate towards gangs. That's why they gravitate toward older guys who may lead them in a negative direction, because they just want to be embraced by a man." - LL Cool J
LL Fool Gay makes a great point. I've never even seen my father and I think that I block that out. I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I had known my father. If I had even met him once. I have no clarity on that part of my life and I don't think I ever will. I came to grips with that at a very young age. Growing up in a house where we all have different dads and I was the only one who didn't have one was pretty hard to deal with. Do I think about my father? I usually just think about the three sisters I have that I've never seen also from his seed. That's crazy I have three brothers that I was raised with (in the case of Tyler I've known him his whole life) and three sisters I've never seen. I also have an older brother on my dad's side. I often wonder about him too. I haven't seen him in a while and last time I saw him something was a bit off about him.
I have an older sister and I wonder all of the things you would typically wonder about a sibling you've never seen. Sometimes I picture myself going on one of those corny ass day time talk shows and meeting her. One of my biggest goals in life is to meet her and my two younger sisters.
It's hard for anyone to be two parents. My mom had to raise three boys by herself and teach them all how to be men in a society where they were disadvantaged before they were even born. I think I understand why she was particularly hard on me. She was pretty tough on us but she use to basically abuse me (I ain't on that call CPS shit. Beat your kids! It saves lives!). I think that's because she had to. She couldn't coddle us and turn us into little bitches. We had to be men so she beat us and made us tough. That's why the Sheppard's got scraps and are savs. I call women bitches sometimes (sorry ladies). I'm really trying to stop but it slips out sometimes I think that moms was so busy working and being a man that she didn't have time to be a woman and teach us how to treat a woman. More than anything I think that's the man's job.
Maybe I would have turned out better or maybe I would have turned out worse but it's just a maybe so why even worry about it right? Some people don't even have parents. That never makes anyone feel better. Compare your condition with the rest of the world shit never works. I can't help but wonder.
I love you mom! Fuck Robert Graham!
i really wish you could meet your sisters too. i'm sure you can find a way to contact them, if you try. there's like agencies out there that specializes in stuff like that. you should look it up.
ReplyDeletewhether your biological dad realizes it or not, keeping you out of his life will always be one of the biggest mistakes he'll make in his lifetime. you would have made him a very proud father, but i guess he'd just rather miss out. at least one thing's for sure though, there's no doubt you'll become a great dad one day.