Hate's Vitality

I am alive today

I feel a vitality an understanding

That I was ignorant of before

You see, I was wounded in love once

I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t wake

My brain told me to deny all sensation

It left my lungs empty and my heart in my stomach

There was nothing worth feeling

Strapped to my bed I was

Unable to cry because of disbelief

But flooded the bedroom when I came to realize

That my lethargy, my apathy, these feelings of abandonment and resentment

Were caused by a blow I knew would never befall me

Love couldn’t harm or paralyze

Or make you never want to see or hear or remember

Crying because that’s all it could ever do

You see, I was wounded in hatred

I was perceived intolerable and an irritant

An ulcer and death should know me well

Who I am and all that I avowal

Is wholly morose and mundane

No one should know my name

There is an energy, something innate

In this wonderfully harsh feeling reflected upon me

Smiling tears incensed something vital in my understanding

All that I fathom from my distinguished perspective

What I have learned and what I perceive

Is prefaced by this feeling of unrelenting hate

It is all I want to ever feel for it is nourishment

It nourishes underdeveloped growth

It tells me to feel and embrace relentless agony

It is the only reason why I live

When wounded in love

You see, I knew I would die

I would bleed and cry and ache until I withered

As if cursed by old age or as dead leaves

I knew that I could not live and did not want to

But when wounded by hate

The magnanimous glorious blow of hate

I knew that I would live forever