The Night I Died
The Night I Died
I didn't plan on dying
Most people never plan to dieEven when you know
Maybe even when you're told
You don't know that you're going...
Even sadder, you don't know that you want to
This is not your climax
This is your end
Your climax was something random
Like eating a chili dog in your hometown
Or an eerily and usually cold Los Angeles night
My right hand cut through the graveyard
My right hand decapitated the devil
What a heart transmitting the hate of darkness omits
The damage done
Head half gone
The devil drops the ticket
Picks up the knife and goes after your new home
And how you should lose it and leave
Right underneath death
Here and here, cut here
You talk but ramblings possess you
Coherently you lie
Moments from death you keep lying
Because you're sure that you're dying
Or at least you wouldn't mind if you did
Because that's something surely you'll do
Selfishness makes you figure that your life
Means only something to you
What I think in my mind about myself
Isn't all that is important
Consciously, you covet a fight that you'll soon lose
Life drains from you
You call the only person who'll ever care
You apologize for being
You apologize for loving
You apologize for what you drank
You apologize for not believing
You apologize for the eyes that saw
You apologize for the ears that heard
You apologize then realize...
That maybe you shouldn't make decisions
But it is too late
You're on a gurney almost unconscious
Damage to your kidneys and psyche
Your decision was made
And you died...
I died
I didn't want to be around
I don't want to love or hate or feel
I don't want to be able to drink or eat
I wish I couldn't see or hear
Maybe I wish I didn't wish those things
Maybe, again, I'm sorry
The night I died
I truly realized
That I'm already dead
I have been dead for awhile
And I'm going to keep being dead
Crazy I am
The first thought, of course
Ask your question so I can fit the profile of your questions
Tell me that I'm insane
It is 2009, it is 2005
I was born this very moment, right here and right now
I'm the insane person?
Because I know what's going to happen?
And understand that end?
All that I'll ever do is die
The selflessness of this display will never equal your need
For comfort
I survived, I hope you're comfortable
