(7) and "A Lollard's Dream"

(7)

I just realized that I'm not an expert at anything, in all my life I have yet to figure out what I am just intensely knowledgeable about; I guess I can say that I am familiar with a lot of ideas, different arts, and art forms

I am trying my best to focus on one, to know one, to become intimate with it, and know it, and hate it, then reinvention and rediscovery of the essential brilliance that led me to invest my mind's time in it; to find a static intellectual norm

Expertise, focus on a discipline, is the material that molds jobs, careers, and lives which are by default fabricated using corrupt pieces that delude us into believing that we can become 'experts'.

Once I become an expert, once I choose to focus chiefly on some arbitrary or incessantly investigated aspect of the world that I am familiar and make it my life's mission, how am I supposed to prove that I am an expert? to what form or epistemological epoch or ontological mysticism must I revert?

The world is not filled with expertise, with these supremely functioning virtuosos who understand some certain part of experience or the functions and modes surrounding the innate worldliness of some discipline

Maybe I'm just a "know it all" and I need to admit more often, that I am paralyzing myself by trying to focus on everything and that predictably means that I am actually focusing on nothing; being undecided about which path to take on the dexterous journey to a unique mastery that will not end

It also won't begin 

If I continue to pretend 

That I can continue to not focus

On some terminal locus

Until I find my knack, that one thing, whatever it is, in all the realms of all the spectrums of what a discipline could possibly be, the distracting and purposeless arguments about definition, want and will, desire and purpose, and passions, when I finally compact all that I am familiar into one napsack and walk one designated passageway towards becoming a sage, brilliantly keen...

I will continue to attempt to become familiar to selfishly pursue the perilous journey to know everything

I am an expert on a quest to somewhere pure and profound

Ignorance and its oblivion is the path to which I am bound

"A Lollard's Dream" is a video I made for a presentation for a class I had this quarter (Winter 2018). I lit most of the video with candles. The sound is not as crisp as it could be because I recorded it on the Voice Recorder Pro app on my iPhone. In some of the dialogue I am doing my best Middle English impression (that is what the crowd is supposed to be complaining about). Also, I did not write any of the dialogue (The Middle English comes from John Wycliffe's "12 Conclusions of the Lollard"), all of the dialogue is improvised I just simply followed the video once I finished editing it and said the first thing that came to my head regarding the video's story. Sorry if it seems like I'm trying to lower expectations for the video

"A Lollard's Dream" is about a man who has a terrible dream about his meeting with fellow lollards to condemn the Catholic Church being interrupted violently by the Pope and one of the Pope's bishops. Lollards can be seen as early church reformers from the Middle Ages. They lived over 100 years before Martin Luther.