The Way Your Mind Works Should Not Be Attributed To Illness
I am releasing my next book of poetry soon, The Night I Died and Other Poems. It is the prelude to my first novel, which is in the editing stages, both are concerned to one event, the night I tried to end my own life.
I don't want to continue to commemorate this date but a lot of my art has been consumed with this event. My life and the lives of my son and my partner have been consumed with that event. I cannot exhaust that enough, my stupidity has helped us gain a lot of wisdom but it also has irrevocably affected our ability to live a "normal" life.
That is what I want to address. I really am not forthright with my "condition" because I cannot make excuses for the way I think. It is not Adjustment Disorder, Depression, or Bi-Polar Disorder. I am not disordered my mind isn't disordered I am thinking and feeling exactly how I am supposed to feel, we all are. And these "Disorders" as they are called are only described as such because they hinder us from being "productive" in a society created by capitalists and industrialists who need our bodies at certain standards in order for us to help build their wealth. "People are 'crazy' or 'insane' because they should not ever have thoughts that would hinder them from working for us!" Well my crazy ass thinks that wanting to work for these industrialists, the need to work for the capitalists and calling it success is maniacal. Humanity is in a state of complete deranged and erratic behavior.
Being ordered to think the same and follow the same modes of success (which are all controlled by the industrialists) is sane. You only have one "pole" if you can get up and move exactly how you're told to move by those dependent on your need for comfort which is all success truly is, success is simply defining how comfortable you want to live in a society that is built by those industrialists who rely on your discomfort so that you wilfully accept your subjugation. The dependence on the need to think a certain way to be successful.
I am blaming the undefined "them" the generalized industrialists, capitalists for my "mental illness." I would blame white supremacy but once we eliminate white supremacy what is there do about the capitalists? Racism was an invention of capitalism. I do not think like those who find success in this world. I think like a person who will succumb to their delusions of reality. Who believe that there are four and five poles. I'm not bi-polar, I'm tri-polar, quad-polar, I have thousands of poles. Society isn't moving too fast for me to adjust to it. Society is in a warp speed descent into the chaos of distraction. Society is only moving fast so that we cannot identify or so that we don't notice the slow, deliberate, planning that goes into controlling our minds. Those who are "mentally ill" are naturally reacting to this programming that must define dissenters as "mentally ill" or irrational, disjointed, looney or preposterous, outside the bounds of reason.
Do not get me wrong. I believe that the apparatus in place to define our minds as being afflicted by
"X" mental illness are in place because their has to be a definition for people who cannot feel or think like most, I deplore it but one aspect of the bullshit mental health industry is the therapy part. People who have yet to be diagnosed with a "mental illness" need therapy (I know that is something every crazy person says). I believe in self-diagnosis but I do not believe in recognizing a problem, wallowing in it, and hoping that people feel pity for you because society defines how you think you think and you feel you feel as an affliction. If you are willing to recognize a problem but not do anything about it you are begging for attention. Or you like that position and you want others to justify how you feel by agreeing with your self-diagnosis.
There is no such thing as crazy. There is only difference. I am not ill, and you are not well.
I don't want to continue to commemorate this date but a lot of my art has been consumed with this event. My life and the lives of my son and my partner have been consumed with that event. I cannot exhaust that enough, my stupidity has helped us gain a lot of wisdom but it also has irrevocably affected our ability to live a "normal" life.
That is what I want to address. I really am not forthright with my "condition" because I cannot make excuses for the way I think. It is not Adjustment Disorder, Depression, or Bi-Polar Disorder. I am not disordered my mind isn't disordered I am thinking and feeling exactly how I am supposed to feel, we all are. And these "Disorders" as they are called are only described as such because they hinder us from being "productive" in a society created by capitalists and industrialists who need our bodies at certain standards in order for us to help build their wealth. "People are 'crazy' or 'insane' because they should not ever have thoughts that would hinder them from working for us!" Well my crazy ass thinks that wanting to work for these industrialists, the need to work for the capitalists and calling it success is maniacal. Humanity is in a state of complete deranged and erratic behavior.
Being ordered to think the same and follow the same modes of success (which are all controlled by the industrialists) is sane. You only have one "pole" if you can get up and move exactly how you're told to move by those dependent on your need for comfort which is all success truly is, success is simply defining how comfortable you want to live in a society that is built by those industrialists who rely on your discomfort so that you wilfully accept your subjugation. The dependence on the need to think a certain way to be successful.
I am blaming the undefined "them" the generalized industrialists, capitalists for my "mental illness." I would blame white supremacy but once we eliminate white supremacy what is there do about the capitalists? Racism was an invention of capitalism. I do not think like those who find success in this world. I think like a person who will succumb to their delusions of reality. Who believe that there are four and five poles. I'm not bi-polar, I'm tri-polar, quad-polar, I have thousands of poles. Society isn't moving too fast for me to adjust to it. Society is in a warp speed descent into the chaos of distraction. Society is only moving fast so that we cannot identify or so that we don't notice the slow, deliberate, planning that goes into controlling our minds. Those who are "mentally ill" are naturally reacting to this programming that must define dissenters as "mentally ill" or irrational, disjointed, looney or preposterous, outside the bounds of reason.
Do not get me wrong. I believe that the apparatus in place to define our minds as being afflicted by
"X" mental illness are in place because their has to be a definition for people who cannot feel or think like most, I deplore it but one aspect of the bullshit mental health industry is the therapy part. People who have yet to be diagnosed with a "mental illness" need therapy (I know that is something every crazy person says). I believe in self-diagnosis but I do not believe in recognizing a problem, wallowing in it, and hoping that people feel pity for you because society defines how you think you think and you feel you feel as an affliction. If you are willing to recognize a problem but not do anything about it you are begging for attention. Or you like that position and you want others to justify how you feel by agreeing with your self-diagnosis.
There is no such thing as crazy. There is only difference. I am not ill, and you are not well.
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